Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Photo Credit: Dylan Reyes

If you can't tell, I have not been writing much lately. I simply have not been in the mood to do so, or maybe I just am taking the easy way out. (Using lyrics from songs that seem to explain my emotions better than myself.. how sad.)
Basically, I have let a certain someone enter my life in which I should have not. If you know me, you know very well that I have a problem with saying no or being any sorts of mean towards others, unless they do something to my family or good friends. When they direct problems onto me, I'll take it. I care too quickly and too much for others. It's a trait that obviously gets the best of me.

Anyways, these past three weeks have been hard. I have dealt with others who have lead me on and hurt me, but this situation is different. I am completely ashamed of myself for letting this person stay around for so long. At first, it was understandable, but now it is to a point where I must say goodbye and mean it for good. If I don't do so, I will only be hurting myself. Not to realize what is going on, and what I should do is just making me look like a fool. I am smarter than what I have portrayed these past weeks, and I will not allow someone to continue to make me feel less then what I am. So wish me luck in getting a backbone (as Megan would tell me to do..) because I will need it.

I know it will take time for this to all be over with, and it will be hard.. very hard especially considering I have to deal with a person who just won't realize what they are doing is wrong. So they keep pushing, pushing, and pushing more.
But you know what I must focus on? The ones who completely love me with everything they have. The ones who are constantly there giving me advice, making me laugh when all I want to do is cry, and hold my hand, skipping through the nights. Those are the people I care about, and the ones that I can depend on and know they won't use me for petty, running in circle games.

And that is why I love them so much. My family, I cannot even speak on how much love my heart holds for them. - And Jonathan, Jeff, and Megan.. I can't say thank you enough for the past three weeks. You are the ones who continue to hold me up and make sure there is constant laughter. I love you, all.

I'm going to be happy because I am happy. I am far beyond blessed. When one door shuts, another opens.
- And I'm going to repeat this to myself daily -
"Players only love you when they're playing.." (Thank you, Stevie Nicks :) )


stephanie said...

girl, things will look up.
sorry you're having to deal with this, it's very hard.
can't wait to see you so i can hug you.
come over for coffee and porch swing time and we can talk!

beautiful truth. said...

might i ask whom you have left BACK into your life?