Two years ago and last year, I would have dreaded this month. It is amazing what time, support from loved ones, and faith can do in your life when you need them the most. Also, it is quite incredible what obstacles we go through in our lives as humans. I have never believed in the power of praying as much as I do right now. I still do not look forward to this month because it brings back so many memories that are not that easy to think about, but those memories are with me throughout the other eleven months, as well. Although these memories are not exactly the best, I hold them close to my heart. Life is a learning process, a journey, and not easy.. to say the least. It is not supposed to be. Just imagine a life that was easy, no problems, no heartache, no loss.. What would life be without such things? It took a very long time, but the most difficult situations in my life have brought me to a peaceful place. They make you re-think everything from your actions, your emotions, your mission, and your place here on Earth. We cannot go back and start over in our life, but we can start to write a new ending when we are ready. I am so grateful for the support I have from my family because they, unknowingly, caused me to turn my head back on straight and re-write my ending. They will never be able to understand the love I possess for each and every one of them, as well as my gratitude. God has given me all I need in my life.
I’m an emotional person, and I understand that fact.. but I try my hardest now not to feed off of my sorrow. Instead, I try to think of the positive side of such situations. Now you may wonder how I can think there is a positive side to someone passing away.. Well for me, once I looked past the sadness, regrets, and blame.. I found a strange happiness that I thought would never come. That does not mean that thinking of the loss of someone I love is not difficult, trust me. It has made my life much more complicated on a mental level, but my faith has grown strong and my heart still holds places for the ones who mean most, even if they are not physically here with me, and that will never change. I think sometimes we believe holding on is what makes us the “strong” one, I believe it’s letting go.. but not forgetting.
"There may be troubled waters along the many paths my life shall take, but only I as a man, may keep my vessel afloat, and guide myself straight."
-Robert M. Hensel