Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I really have not given much time to my blog. For that, I am sorry. I have been busy with many things and sometimes the small things in life must step to the side for a bit. So many things have happened lately, and I figured this would be a good time for me to write. I actually thought about what I write on this blog, and I must say some entries have been pretty personal – of course in a secretive/hiding behind words way. I contemplated on if I should be open on such a medium, and I have decided that it has become somewhat therapeutic and healthy. I also thought about what helps me most when I am in a difficult point in my life, and it is the words of others. I am not one to give advice or a great writer, but sometimes it is the most common pieces of writing that that one certain person relates to. Words can lift spirits, open souls and guide others into the direction they have been looking for. I am not saying I am doing such a thing, but if there is a person out there that reads my blog and finds comfort within their life or inspiration, then I have contributed a little to this world. And I believe that is one of the reasons we are put on this Earth. So here it goes.

I am not quite sure where to begin. My feelings and emotions have completely surprised me these past two weeks. I have never felt this way in my life, and to be honest, it can be scary. The unexpected and unfamiliar things in life always make me a bit fearful. But the one thing I have come to find out is that not always being comfortable is the beauty of life. It makes you revaluate so many different aspects of your life, no matter if they are good or bad. It pushes you back a step or two or three, and if you are strong enough, makes you realize the bigger picture in which you must deal with. Usually, I do not want to deal with these little road blocks in life, but I do and hope for the best. This one was different though. Something made me feel content with laying everything on the line, and we all know that doing such a thing can be risky and terrifying. But by doing this, I am not only being honest with others, but I am being honest with myself. I usually am very talented at bypassing how I feel when it comes to certain situations; especially ones that I can tell might be hurtful or complex. It is a restless battle that usually turns out to be more emotionally draining than if I would have just stopped, cleared my head, and went forward with everything that needed to be said and done. This is the first time in my 21 years of life that I took the other route and did not bypass the situation.

So what made me change? Honestly, I am not quite positive. Maybe it was the other person in the situation, or maybe it was a little tough push from a great friend. All I know is that it was not an easy thing to do, but afterwards I felt this heavy lift off of my chest and peace in my soul. Like every other person in this world, I have been walked on, talked about and used. Sad but true, it is part of life. I believe God puts every person in your life for a reason we may never understand. It is comforting to find someone in this crazy world that is going through what you are.. or at least bits and pieces of your condition. Although the circumstances are not exactly alike, I believe there was a reason why I met this person. Something in my heart and soul tells me so. Even if they are never part of my life again, I will always be thankful for what they brought to mine in such a short period of time. It has truly opened up my eyes, and God knows I have been needing some of that.

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