Thursday, September 17, 2009

Do you ever have certain moments in life where further down the road, you question why you thought such things during that moment? Well, I do. Why? I will be the first to admit that I am simply human. I am not perfect, I am not always kind, and I am not always right. I feel that many people have a hard time admitting that they have done wrong, or cannot admit that they (everyone) sometimes can just not be that kind. That is how we work as human beings. There is no denying it.

I do believe that most of the time I am nonjudgmental and very kind to others, but the few times where I look at someone and think thoughts I should not, or act differently towards them because of certain reasons.. I am ashamed. I know I will always pass some judgment on others because that is just how the process goes, but I need to look past the judgment and try to know the person before assuming such things.

So, you may wonder why I am writing about this.. Well, today I had (as, my professor Dr. Syb would say) an "ah ha moment".

Situation: In one of my classes, there is this boy who sits in front of me. Since the first day of that class, I always thought to myself that he was awkward, weird, and strange. Why? Well, first off he looks like he is twelve, sometimes wears very strange outfits (as do I), and acts differently than most people I come in contact with. He always walks into the classroom with this strange smile on his face. He laughs really awkwardly and shakes. He also speaks with this shake and weirdness.

Today I was driving along Wedgewood, listening to "Ragged Wood' by Fleet Foxes, with my windows down.It was perfect. Beautiful overcast afternoon, with the cool breeze brushing over my face while I drove down the street. I was so content in that moment.

I was stopped at a stop light, when I looked to the right, and there was the little boy. He was standing there with a group of people, smiling. The whole group was speaking to each other except him. He was just standing there observing and smiling. He looked so happy in this moment. And then they all started to slowly run, and he continued to keep the biggest smile on his face. He stuck out his right arm and held it out like you would in a car with the windows down so he could feel the cool breeze on his hand.. and he continued to smile, smile big, very big. Then suddenly the boy closed his eyes, with his arm still out to the right, and continued to run and smile.

I watched him until he was out of my sight. After he was gone, I started to smile, then it turned into a laugh, then it turned into me laughing while tears where coming down my face. In this moment, I was not sad.. I was moved. It was possibly one of the strangest feelings I have experienced in a while.

This boy may be little, awkward, weird, and different.. but I could see happiness in him. I thought the awkward smiles and shakey speaking were all just strange, but in all reality.. that is who he is. And in that moment, he was content and completely comfortable with his life. That awkward smile that I once judged, brought tears to my eyes because it was real. Now that may sound cliche, but I do not really care. I know what I saw, and I know how it made me feel.

This boy most likely was the kid in middle school and high school that everyone thought was disusting and picked on, but he is happy. And I am sure that most of the people who thought he was the dork or just the weird kid, are not near as happy as he is.

I judged him in a wrong way. Yes, he may not be the coolest looking person at Belmont.. and he may have different ways, but something about him is radiant. When I want to know how someone is feeling, I don't ask them.. I look at them. When I looked at him, all I saw was happiness and enjoyment.. something that most people do not have on a regular basis.

So what is the point to all of this? I have realized that I would rather be that happy, radiant boy who everyone thinks is weird and awkward, then to be the cool kid who really does not know happiness. Life goes by fast, find your happiness, no matter what it is, and hold onto it.


Dach said...

I notice the lack of this type of personality on so many people, especially as life goes on. I always appreciate meeting people like this kid. I hope he can keep that outlook forever.
I've seen countless friends devolve into bitter, world-weary individuals who end up just dragging through their life with no real goal other than to make it to the next day, and even that holds little appeal. Sure, they've had some rough patches in their life, but so have we all and you can't let it destroy your love of living.

I don't know you personally, obviously, but I enjoy the things you have to say on your blog and you strike me as someone with a similar love of living like this guy (and, I like to think, myself =). I hope you don't ever lose sight of it. Enjoy the wind in you hair, music with the windows down, the sound of rain on your rooftop while you lay in bed...and everything will be allllright =). Everyday is a good day.

Also, awkward people are the best people.

Daysha said...

Dach -

Thank you for your kind words. Everyday is a good and beautiful day, I believe you just have to be content with the hand that is dealt to you because even though you may try to change it, that is who you are.. and who you are meant to be. :)

Dach said...

I couldn't agree more!

Keep up the superb work.